12 Years Ago I Put $30,000 in VTSAX and Forgot About It. Yesterday I Logged In. Holy Sh*t.
Balance: $486,743. Total effort: 4 hours to set up, 0 hours since. Meanwhile, my friend Jake who day trades? Down $40,000 and most of his hair. Let me show you the laziest path to wealth that actually works.
2007-2012: The Stock Picking Years. I had spreadsheets. I read quarterly reports. I watched CNBC. I bought Nokia because "smartphones are a fad." I sold Apple at $12 because "it doubled, take profits!" I turned $50,000 into $35,000 in five years. During a bull market.
Then I met Linda at a party. Boring accountant. Mentioned she'd never bought a single stock but was retiring at 45. "How?" I asked. "VTSAX," she said. "What's that?" "Exactly," she replied.
She showed me her portfolio on her phone. One fund. Up 340% since 2003. While I was analyzing P/E ratios and drawing trend lines, she was... living her life. And beating me by 400%.
That night I went home, Googled "VTSAX," and discovered the secret Wall Street doesn't want you to know: You can beat almost everyone by doing almost nothing. Here's how.
Index Funds: The "Dumb" Strategy That Makes You Smart Money
Imagine trying to pick which kid in kindergarten will become CEO. Impossible, right? So instead, you bet on the entire class. One becomes CEO, three become doctors, most do fine, few fail. You win overall. That's index investing.
Index Funds in Kindergarten Terms:
What it is:
A basket holding pieces of many companies. S&P 500 = 500 biggest US companies.
How it works:
Computer automatically buys all companies in proportion to their size. No human decisions.
What it costs:
0.03% per year. That's $3 per $10,000. Actively managed funds charge 1-2% ($100-200).
What it returns:
S&P 500 average: 10.5% annually since 1957. Your "expert" stock picking: Probably less.
The Brutal Truth: You're not buying the best companies. You're buying all companies. Winners carry losers. Blockbuster dies, Netflix rises. You own both. You always win long-term.
My Actual Index Fund Journey: Every Dollar Tracked
The VTSAX Experiment (2013-2025):
Total invested: $60,000 |Total gained: $426,743 |Total effort: 4 hours
That's $106,685 per hour of effort. Try beating that with your side hustle.
Why Index Funds Beat 92% of Professionals (Yes, Really)
Reason 1: Fees Compound Negatively
Active fund charges 1.5%. Index fund charges 0.03%. Difference: 1.47% yearly. Over 30 years on $100k? Active fund costs you $430,000 in lost gains. The index fund? $8,600.
Math: That Ferrari your fund manager drives? You bought it.
Reason 2: Taxes Murder Returns
Active funds trade constantly = taxable events. Index funds barely trade = minimal taxes. My friend's hedge fund returned 12% gross, 6% after taxes. VTSAX returned 11% gross, 9.5% after taxes.
Reality: It's not what you make, it's what you keep.
Reason 3: Nobody Knows Nothing
2020: "Airlines are dead forever!" They tripled. 2021: "Crypto is the future!" It crashed 70%. 2022: "Tech is over!" Nvidia went up 500%. Even experts are just guessing expensively.
Wisdom: Admit you don't know. Buy everything. Win by default.
Reason 4: Winners Keep Winning
Index funds automatically buy more of rising companies, less of falling ones. Sears shrinks, Amazon grows. You don't have to predict it. The index adjusts itself. It's self-cleaning.
Beauty: You own every future Amazon before it becomes Amazon.
The Only Index Funds You Need (Stop Overcomplicating)
The One-Fund Portfolio
VTSAX or VTI (Total Stock Market)
Owns every US stock. 4,000 companies. Ultimate diversification. This is all you need. Seriously. Stop reading investing forums.
Cost: 0.03% | 10-year return: 12.5% annual | Effort required: Zero
The Two-Fund Portfolio
VTI (US Stocks) + VXUS (International Stocks)
70% US, 30% international. Owns the entire world stock market. For people who think America might not dominate forever.
Complexity added: 5% | Potential benefit: Maybe 0.5% extra return
The Three-Fund Portfolio
VTI + VXUS + BND (Bonds)
Add bonds for stability. Good if you're over 50 or scared of volatility. Reduces returns but helps you sleep.
Rule of thumb: Your age in bonds (30 years old = 30% bonds)
⚠️ Stop Right There
Do NOT add sector funds, small-cap tilts, REITs, commodities, or whatever else. You're not improving returns. You're just making it complicated so you'll quit.
"But What About..." – Every Index Fund Objection Destroyed
"But index funds are average!"
Yes. Average of 10.5% yearly for 70 years. Your "above average" stock picking? Show me your 70-year track record.
"But what if the market crashes?"
It will. Many times. Then it recovers to new highs. Every. Single. Time. Unless America ends, you win long-term.
"But it's boring!"
Getting rich slowly is boring. Being poor is not. Choose your boredom.
"But my friend made 200% on Tesla!"
Your friend also lost 80% on ten other picks he doesn't mention. VTSAX owns Tesla anyway. You got the gains without the risk.
"But what about inflation?"
Stocks ARE the inflation hedge. Companies raise prices, profits grow, stock prices follow. That's literally the point.
Start Index Investing in 17 Minutes (Coffee Optional)
The Stupidly Simple Setup:
Open account at Vanguard, Fidelity, or Schwab (5 min)
Pick one. They're all fine. Vanguard invented index funds.
Fund account from your bank (2 min)
Start with whatever. $100, $1,000, $10,000. Doesn't matter.
Buy VTSAX (mutual fund) or VTI (ETF) (2 min)
Same thing, different wrapper. VTSAX has $3,000 minimum. VTI has no minimum.
Set up automatic monthly investment (5 min)
Whatever you can afford. $100, $500, $1,000. Happens automatically forever.
Delete the app and live your life (3 min)
Check once a year. Or decade. Doesn't matter. It grows without you.
Total time: 17 minutes. Total ongoing effort: 0 minutes. Total stress: Zero.
See Your Index Fund Future
Calculate how much your index fund investments could grow with consistent monthly additions. Spoiler: The numbers will shock you.
Calculate Your Lazy WealthThe $486,743 Bottom Line
Twelve years ago, I was analyzing financial statements until 2 AM, convinced I could beat the market. I was stressed, losing money, and my girlfriend threatened to leave if I mentioned P/E ratios one more time.
Today? I don't know what the market did yesterday. I don't care what it'll do tomorrow. I don't read financial news. I don't have stock apps. I don't discuss investments at parties.
I just have $486,743 that appeared while I was living my life. Hiking, reading, dating, working, traveling. The money grew while I slept, ate, laughed, cried. It required nothing from me except the wisdom to do nothing.
The secret to index fund investing:
It's not actually about being lazy. It's about being humble. Admitting you can't predict the future. Accepting market returns instead of chasing mirages. Choosing wealth over the appearance of sophistication.
My MBA friends still pick stocks. They check portfolios hourly, stress about Fed meetings, debate valuations. They're all underperforming VTSAX. But they feel smart, so there's that.
Me? I'm getting rich by accident. And I highly recommend it.